You guys, I’m obsessed with this song. Like, legitimately obsessed to the point that I can’t stop playing it at full volume in my car, my apartment, on my iPod… everywhere. I also can’t stop singing it.
Basically, I’m annoying everyone around me with my never-ending parade of this flawless pop masterpiece.
“American Idol” alum Adam Lambert has really struck gold with this one. It’s dancey, it’s pop-y, it’s amazing-y, and it’s got Lambert’s signature glamtastic vocals.
Good thing it got a proper video treatment to do the song justice, too. It starts off in a dark and drab dystopian future, in a society where people are herded like sheep and… somehow controlled through their eyes? Good thing we’re not closing ours ever!
Eventually, Mr. Lambert is leading an uprising of sexy-anorexic dancers with dead eyes, and before you know it, though, the video’s transformed into the most spectacular Glambert-approved ’80s-inspired day-glo dance party you’ve ever seen.
Oh, sweet Jesus… It’s basically the gayest thing ever, and I LOVE IT.
If you’re not a fan of songs that sample the “Young & the Restless” theme song, then GTFO because we can’t be friends right now.
So now that the losers are out of the room, let’s talk about the fact that the “Y&R” sample at the beginning of the song is THE BEST THING TO HAPPEN TO MUSIC IN THE HISTORY OF ANYTHING EVER. That didn’t even make sense — that’s how awesome the sample is.
Other than that, the song’s pretty great and all. Drama sucks, blah blah blah. But having grown up watching “The Little Mermaid” and “The Young & the Restless” CONSTANTLY (whaaa? I turned out gay? I wonder how if there were signs…), that short little sample pretty much made my life.
You know, most boys want their music videos with half-naked women and lots of hard partying. I don’t know… masculine things like that.
I just want real love.
I want my videos with buff, half-naked men playing the cello; tough, kick-ass ladies wearing bikinis trimmed with faux fur; tons of chains and patent leather; and opera singers with spikes around their necks.
I want P!nk’s ridiculously neon hair.
I want that wad of money that she’s waving around like she just don’t care.
I also want lots of deep metaphors about love as boxing ring, because, duh, it totally is.
It’s spring time, and you know what that means, right? GRADUATION SEASON!
So I dedicate this eternal classic to all of your kiddies who are moving on from middle school, high school, college — whatever. If you’re graduating and reveling in nostalgia, this one’s for you.
I’m not even going to pretend to hate this one. It’s sappy and ridiculous in every way possible, but I don’t even care. When you’re getting ready to graduate and move on to a new chapter in your life, this song speaks to you.
Woo! Now go graduate! And try not to puke during rehearsal. We all know you drank too much last night.
Fun fact: Fergie needs to abandon the Black Eyed Peas, get back in the studio, and make more magical pop masterpieces like this guilty pleasure gem.
Never has a non-rapper written such a spectacularly conceited and amazing song about how awesome they are, and I love love love it. Everything about it.
It’s simply an amazing song that revels in self-gratitude, and I’m 100% onboard with it.
And as if the song wasn’t perfect enough, miss Fergie Ferg brings us this phenomenal video featuring a crumping pre-teen, Girl Scout costumes and some deranged Willy Wonka/Candyland setup that makes my eyes hurt in the best way possible. Before Katy Perry dyed her hair blue and donned her whipped cream bra, Fergie was making candy downright nasty with this little treat of a video. Watch and learn, ladies.
Another fun fact: Never before have I been OK with a song’s deliberate misspelling of a simple work like “tasty.” But you know what? It’s the Dutchess, so I’ll let it fly this one time.